They Want Brains...

…which is unfortunate, since mine seem to be absent.

I am tired today. There is a reason for this tiredness that causes my body to involuntarily stop, stretch, no reaaaaally stretch, before trying to resume what it was doing before it interrupted itself, only to find that my entire self has forgotten what it was doing previously.

I suspect that this is my body’s natural defence mechanism of distraction until nap/bed time. Eventually, I suppose, I will have no choice but to throw up my hands in frustration and acquiesce to its demands. It is, after all, holding my hands for a ransom I’m only too happy to pay: the sweetness of oblivion in the arms of my pillow top.

The reason for sleepy time is this nugget. I watched a film yesterday that was awesome! Someone recommended Watcher in the Woods, because of Ms. Bette Davis, and I cannot tell you how excited I was to watch an old school horror* movie. ‘Natch, when I asked the shop assistant where I could find this movie (that is supposed to rawk) I was met with silence and the blinking eyes of a stunned deer. But, since I promised myself that I would watch a scary movie, I picked up Paranormal Activity. It’s freaking awesome, even though the guy in it is a bit of a d-bag. I heartily recommend and it has the official AM seal of approval.

I digress, back to the full body and mind burn out. Post film, Hodge, being very tough, informed me that I needed a protector and that he would be sleeping at mine to “battle the demons” while I slept.** Since we were in a bit of a state post movie, we needed to dissect it to undermine its scariness quotient and laid awake chatting for hours and hours, probably waking up the neighbours with nervous giggling and squeals as we tried to out-spook each other. Effectively, it was the grown up version of a sleepover, minus the sleeping bags on the floor with parents yelling at half hour intervals to shut up and go to sleep – which I would have benefitted from.

*I hate saying 'horror films', since with a Canadian accent, it sounds very much like 'whore films'. When I was 15, one of the elderlyish uncles of a friend of a friend of mine was stepping out to pick up some films for us at New Year. “You like horrors?” was what he said, but what I heard was “You like whores?” I was well and truly horrified (HA!) and avoided him for the rest of the evening, thinking he was the most lecherous man alive. He probably was.

**Firstly, the only ‘demons’ Hodge would be protecting me from are the three queens that share the hallway with me, and I assure you, they have absolutely zero interest in what I’m packing around. It would be, in fact, me protecting Hodge’s honour. Secondly, … I can’t remember what my other point was except that it was a gooder, and now my fatigued mind has let it slip into the ether. Dammit, brain, smarten up!

Holiday for Whom?

The mother ship is coming to visit tomorrow, and has gotten off to a bad start. How can it be, dear internet, that she hasn’t landed, or even boarded the departing plane and already she’s shitty with me and I with her?

It’s one of lifes great mysteries and science is nowhere near close to figuring mother daughter relationships out. And this exchange decidedly did not help with M/D relations:

Call 1 - (8.10 am – Getting ready to leave for work)

Me – Hi Mum, what’s up?
Mum – I’m at the AMA website, I’m going to rent a car.
Me – Uh, ok.
Mum – It’s a really great price, so I’m doing it.
Me – Are you renting it for the whole time?
Mum – Yeah, I think so, why?
Me – Dunno, seems a bit silly to rent a car for five days and only use it once.
Mum – But, it’s a good price.***
Me – So get the car.
Mum – But you don’t think it’s a good idea.
Me – Who cares what I think? I’m just getting dressed at the moment, can I call you from the office?
Mum – Fine – click.

Following this is three more calls in quick succession, (I’ll spare the transcripts) where she wanted to discuss the merits of hiring a car at the airport vs. hiring a car in town, location of pick ups, what kind of car to hire, etc.

My patience reserve is very limited on a good day, and is appallingly low on a bad day and non existent on a grumpy-haven’t-had-coffee-yet day. I reached my limit on the last call. I have no time to figure out the minutiae of car rentals at 8.15 in the morning, and frankly I don’t care. Especially since the person in question (Mother dearest) wanted to get into a philosophical discussion about cars and related car things, but mostly why she’s right and I’m wrong. I had to tell her to do what she wanted and that I was, in fact, busy and it wasn't a good time for me.

It’s going to be a great visit. Can I call in sick for that?

***What she’s really doing here with ‘the bargain’ is this: She feels like getting a lower daily rate is a good thing, and $400/5 days trumps paying $140/1 day because it’s better value. And it is better value, if you’re using it. Every day. I wonder if this is but a $400 safety blanket…

Etiquette avec Mme. Mac

When asking for coins, cigarettes, lighters and/or liquor on the streets, do not interrupt the person you wish to beg from when they are on the phone. This is unseemly behaviour and will not result in a positive outcome.

Instead, you should wait, at a respectful distance, until that person is available to make your request.

Be prepared for them to decline the offer, in any case, and take this in stride.

Respectfully Yours,

-Anna Mac