Thursday, December 10, 2009

Where Have I Been All My Life?

Happy December…ugh.

Christmas is only a few short weeks away. Actually, it’s 15 days away, which is pretty alarming, actually, since I have done simply nothing in regards to it. I had dinner instead.

To be honest, I am looking forward to Christmas this year. It’s been awhile since I’ve been home and the last visit was more of a whirlwind whistlestop where I tried to cram seeing just about everybody I ever knew in Edmonton into five hours. True, this time I will only have a couple of days to catch up with my somewhat nearest and dearest, and one of those days is dedicated to my mother because she is going to take me shopping. Which is a happy fucking occasion, am I right?

Since I am over the age of ten, and have forged some sort of style (Ha!), and my mother isn’t dressing me in pants of the stirrup and MC Hammer variety, things have gone much smoother for us in the shopping department. I remember having amazing, embarrassing temper tantrums about her choice of clothing for me, which I whole heartedly did not want to even try on, much less own. But these days, I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with my mom buying me things. Ever. Because they’re usually generous purchases that I don’t have to feel guilty for going into overdraft for. And, frankly, I’m not above letting someone buy my affection and attention. I am a product of my generation, thank you McDonalds!

Rage at the Chinese Takeout:

Hilarity at lunch was mine to behold at the Pacific Centre Chinese place today. To preface this, I don’t normally frequent this restaurant because I think they’re over priced and it’s just not that good. But, having survived for well over a week on nothing but fried food and cheese (and sometimes fried cheese), I needed some fresh food that wasn’t processed to hell and still looked like something that came out of the ground. I did order a greasy, greasy veggie spring roll to counter all the veggies, though. And it was pretty delicious, I gotta say!

So, imagine my surprise when a woman behind the counter points to my shoulder and tells me to “stop harassing my customers! GO! Leave now! If I see you again, I’m calling security! GO! Etc…”

This was totally baffling, as I’m pretty fucking sure that I don’t scare her customers away by ‘telling bad story about her business’. Maybe by scowling at them, or smelling bad I frighten them, but not by telling tales. Happily (?), she was talking to someone else, not me, and an epic one way shout match ensued.

By one way, I mean the woman who’s ‘business’ it was, ie: the one behind the counter, was yelling, shouting and carrying on in a very badly behaved manner. And I am the authority on bad behaviour, so trust me, it was pretty awesome. And the other, well, she looked pretty harmless in her winter wear, clutching her Louis Vuitton and speaking softly in Chinese to the angry one. The quiet woman eventually wandered off into the crowd while I eventually got my lunch, which was a bit of a cock up due to the angry woman having played musical chairs with our meals while she was yelling and we had to figure out what each one was, this way…*

Captains Log: Stardate – a million miles away

On my way back from lunch, there was a man having a very intense conversation with himself. And as I was walking up behind him, I stepped to the side to notice that this 40 something man was holding two toy models of the Starship Enterprise. And he was indeed captains logging to himself, which I admit I enjoyed immensely.

The best part, though, was the bit where he says: “I was kicked out of the shelter last night because they found me with a porno magazine, which is kind of a true story…” and then he went back into Star Trek speak, which made sense to no one but him.

It seems strange that he would be kicked out for merely possessing a porn mag, unless it was of a very, very naughty nature. And I wonder how that is kind of a true story. Everyone knows that you cannot lie when doing your Captains Log. Sure, you can omit stuff, but not tell half, kind of true stories (I can’t imagine Captain Kirk logging about getting busy with the alien life forms, he would have omitted that nugget).

So I have surmised, most likely incorrectly, that he was perhaps getting off where he (kind of)shouldn’t have been. Like, inappropriately. And that is where my entirely overactive imagination shall end.

As will as this entry. Till Later.

*I totally wasn’t going to actually link to the ball under the cup finding game, but how fucked up is that guy? I think I’m in lurve!