In Which Several Cookies Die

War on raisins:

Dear raisins of the world,

I would really appreciate if you would no longer hide in my food. I have to say that when I bite into a delicious, delicious cookie or cinnamon bun (and/or countless other foods where you have no business), I really, really, really hate it. And that in turn makes me hate you. Just this afternoon, I was indulging in an oatmeal cookie, expecting chocolate chips, when you showed up at the party. Go back to the nursing home you’re too old to party here.

I thank you for your attention and care of this sensitive matter.

-Anna

Scoot-Scoot yourself outta my life:

I had planned, and half wrote, today’s post to be a bitter diatribe about fat people. Well, not just fat people, rather morbidly obese people, particularly the kind who ride scooters, and especially the kind who chase me around grocery stores and corner me for the last cream cheese danish (…almost true story. It was the mars bar she was after). However, I have decided that those people are bitter enough without me spitting venom at them, though I did give her the stink eye and an earful for blocking the aisles for a third time!

Instead, I shall give you the link to this wonderful, wonderful website that fulfils all of your creepy people watching (to clarify, that is the watching of the creepy people, not you creeping people by watching them. Got it?). Make sure you check out the hate section.* Also make sure you have ample time to be distracted for at least 30 minutes by the brilliance of this site.

*doncha get the impression that the haters have found themselves posted here?

Cookies, cookies everywhere, somewhere amidst the crumbs:

My wonderful, talented mother, crazy as she is, made this girl some delicious, raisin-free cookies. I received them today, and they are some kind of awesome…

…except…

…Canada post seems to have not treated my treats with due care and attention. They’re squished. Except, when you squish a cookie, they don’t squish, they crumble, as cookies are wont to do. They are still tasty and delicious, they just need to be eaten with a spoon.

I’m not feeling too upset about this, because of this:

Gingey's head and leg are missing. Mum used these cookie cutters to make them there cookies, and all but one of them have suffered tragic accidents at the guillotine. So, not only are they cripples, but they're also dead. Zombie cookie! Nom nom nom!!

Please note the mother fucking gumdrop buttons! ('Not the gumdrop buttons!, You're a monster!'... I could go on)

And, please pay special attention the the crumbs that are masquerading as fairy dust. I can smell you for what you are, fairy dust. That's a lovely brand of peanut butter you're wearing.

Stay Classy*, Internet,

*oh dear

-Anna