About My Guy

I've had a bit of a struggle in the last couple of weeks. I am missing my boyfriend more than I thought I ever would, which has taken this bewildered girl by surprise. He was just here, in our city, in my apartment and bed a couple of weeks ago and today, especially, it feels like months.

When we started hanging out (read: dating for commitment phobes), I figured, planned even, that our relationship would be of the 'with benefits' variety. I wasn't, I repeat, I WAS NOT interested in any relationship when I met KB. Shortly after we met, I spelled out in no uncertain terms that we could be casually monogamous. Meaning we could have sleepovers, but only with each other. He still teases me mercilessly about the 'casual' thing. But it turned out that he gets me and thinks that I am the most beautiful, amazing creature on the planet. And I think he's pretty fucking cool, too. (apologies for that last soppy bit, all romantical like. I'm finished now.)

It took a very long time for me to say that he was my boyfriend, though no fault of his own - except for that purple hoodie that I hate. I had a big breakup, which was my biggest and involved me shifting continents (physically, but not physically ... I'm not that strong!) Ew, sorry for that last pathetic attempt at humour, it would appear that I'm on fire today - or rather, should be!

Anyway, back to me, my favorite topic of conversation.

Because of this bad breakup, I was really reluctant (and truthfully, still am) to tie myself to another man for fear of having the guts ripped out of me again. But every time I speak to him, and especially when I see him, I get a bit more drawn in. Honestly, there is so much to be attracted to! He's talented and artistic and ambitious and smart and funny. He's got great legs and what an ass. He's quite nice to look at, too, even when his hair is too long and looks like a white man's fro. (oops, I wasn't finished at all, was I?)

This guy that I really, really like, the same guy that I am bringing home for Christmas (ack!) did something kinda crazy in August. He moved to another province for grad school. This makes me equal parts happy and sad. Happy for him because he was miserable in his previous job, had always planned on going to grad school and he's found his passion. I'm sad mostly for myself and us, because he's so far away and I can't selfishly be the little spoon everyday, instead of odd weekends and holidays where we can extricate ourselves from our lives and be together.

I'm so surprised how much I miss his physical presence. There is a big void, especially at night, where he should be: At home, watching the food network, with me, on my inflatable bed/couch, snuggling and being cutesy, making people ill with our frivolous PDA. Him making advances, me pretending to have a headache. The usual.

What prompted this entry (Don't lie, I know you're dying to know.)? I received a text earlier: Just so you know I think it's getting harder not being around you. I replied: I feel completely the same way.

-Anna